Naughty Rosa Lily ! If you are very easily offended don't worry, it gets better with age :)

As all of my bits start to travel south faster than Usain Bolt can run, I keep thinking :

  I wish i'd looked after me Tits (.) (.)

(I cannot take credit for writing this masterpiece as you can find it on many sites)

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,

Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers, 

Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers, 

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits. 

'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning. 

It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning, 

And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming, 

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits 

'Cos tits can be such troublesome things 

When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing. 

And although they go well with my Bingo wings, 

I wish I'd looked after me tits. 

When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow, 

When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low, 

When they're less of a friend and more of a foe, 

Then I wish I'd looked after me tits. 

When I was young I got whistles and hoots, 

From the men on the site to the men in the suits, 

Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots, 

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits 

When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters, 

Cruising around with my favourite suitors. 

Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters, 

I wish I'd looked after me tits.. 

When they follow behind and get trapped in the door, 

When they're less in the air and more near the floor, 

When people see less of them rather than more, 

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits

 

I also cheered myself up with this little ditty  (also nothing to do with me)

OLD FART :D

A fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......

A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.

But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget.......
Sweet old farts like you! 

*~~ Now that wasn't too bad was it? ~~*